Seven Kinds of Misfits in the Christmas Story

Mary, Joseph and Jesus,
known by Joseph's family as the
Unholy Trinity: "slut, wimp and bastard"

There isn't a single Nativity story, but most of the story is found in two sections of the Bible: Luke 1-2 and Matthew 1-2.  If there is one theme that runs through this story, it is that the soon-to-be-born and newborn Messiah, king of the earth, attracted the most unsavory people.

1. An adulterous wife
Mary, the mother of Jesus, received a great "blessing" of a pregnancy from God... the blessing of being accused of an unfaithful slut.  She was already engaged to Joseph, a trade-worker, so when she shows up pregnant, it's clear that someone wasn't following the rules. Frankly, under the rules of first century Palestine, she could have been stoned to death.  Her (soon to be) husband kept her from this fate because he was...

2. A mystical wimp
Joseph didn't want his fiancee killed, he just wanted her drama to go away.  That is, until he got a dream about an angel.  He didn't even get a face-to-face like his woman, he just had some spicy pizza and dreamed up an angel telling him to go ahead and marry the slut.  He even told the wimp what to name the kid when he was born.  He woke up and said, "Well, I know what to do now."  Really, how many people take their nighttime fantasies as commands?

3. A Communist
Mary decided it was a great time to hang with her cousin in the country, and while she was there she was singing communist propaganda. She sang about revolution and the proletariat taking over.  She also sang about communist deeds like feeding the hungry and taking possessions from the rich.  She was a real party-goer, that Mary.

4. Judgmental family members
We know that Joseph had to go to Bethlehem.  But he had to go there because that was his family home.  He didn't try to go to an "inn" but to a "guest room" that his family home had for visitors.  The room was "full", meaning they didn't have room for a socialist pregnant slut that their wimpy nephew decided to hook up with.  They can go out into the stables.

"Now we know what the frankincense and myrrh was for."

5. Smelly homeless people
Shepherds, back in the day, didn't smell like mothballs or the back of a church closet.  Rather, they smelled like sheep.  Take  a wool sweater, get it wet, roll it in some dirt and grass and then stick it in a box for a month.  NOW you know what shepherd smells like.  These "workers" just hung out with sheep, trying to find someone's lawn for the animals to chomp on.  So everyone within a hundred miles of every flock (read: everyone) hated these wandering guys who liked sheep a bit too much.  For some reason, the angels thought these were the guys who needed to see the great King pop out from a vagina.

6. Nasty Old Fanatics
When Jesus' parents brought him to the temple to have his foreskin ripped off his penis with an ancient "knife", two old people accosted them.  First was Simeon who was "told by God" that he would see the Messiah before he died.  Perhaps he knew the day was coming and just picked out a likely looking male baby and declared his allegiance to that slobbering, wetting-himself King.  Then eighty four year old Anna "who never left the temple" to like eat, or anything saw Simeon fawning over the brat, so she had to have a piece of the spiritual action.

7. Slackers
Those "wise men" we hear about?  They were actually astrolegers, who saw a sign in the stars about the king to be born.  So they decided to pop over and see the king.  Only problem?  They lives in Persia, and cars weren't to be invented for a couple thousand years.  So they hoofed it, not having anything better to do, which took them a couple years, so the kid wasn't a baby anymore, but a toddler.  Meanwhile, they got the attention of the local king (read: serial murderer). and gave him the kid's whereabouts.  Then the bums scooted out of time before the genocide began. If it wasn't for another vision of the wimp, the toddler king would have bit the big one.

The whole point is this: the King of Jerusalem, the Teacher of Love, the Jewish Emperor of Heaven, the Son of God... or the Nazarene Bastard, whatever you want to call him... seemed to have a habit even before birth to hang out with people who had less-than-pristine reputations.  Maybe he wanted to have a community made up of the same, you think?  Perhaps he picked up his mother's communist tendencies?

Some Things To Remember About Mary

- Her real name was Miriam
- She was a sexual deviant
- She accepted God's will, although she knew that she would be rejected by everyone for it, possibly even killed.
- She declared the governments and religious leaders of the world to be worthless before God
- She prayed for the wealthy to be made hungry
- She prophesied the rule of the poor over the whole world
- She was helpless in her society, without recourse.
- She can be listed among the greatest humans ever, because of her radical obedience to God.

What Did He Die For, Really?

Did Jesus die for our consumer Christmas?

Do you really think that Jesus would be pleased with Xmas specials at Macy's?

What about the various Christmas industries--
The latest set of music about infant Jesus by the usual celebrity suspects?
The latest volumes of touching Christmas stories?
The recitation of Christmas platitudes, whether they be about the "spirit" of Christmas, or a general "merry" Christmas?
The recycling of the old Christmas specials that say nothing more than "gosh, we should be nice to each other?"

Jesus, who was born in a stable, would be pleased with people using their wealth to oppress the poor?
Jesus, who had to be an immigrant, accepting the platitudes against immigrants?
Jesus, whose angels came to homeless people, would think it's okay for us to help the needy one day a year and yell at them to "get a job" the rest?

If Jesus came on Christmas day, do you think he'd appreciate our drunken feasts in which our hatreds are barely suppressed? Or would he stand up and throw our Christmas presents out of the homes in which He is declared lord, as so many money-changers' tables? Would he gladly partake of our feasts, or would he ask, "Where are the poor to share this? Why did you only invite your family and friends and not the outcast? Why did you not invite a single person who couldn't pay you back? Why do you celebrate me and use your police to keep the poor away from you? Why do you love your own, but hate anyone who is not exactly like you?"

What is Jesus telling you right now?

Thanks to Bansky for the prophetic image.

Christmas Feasts Jesus Style

For as long as there has been Christmas, there has been Christmas dinner. The Christmas feast is older than any other of the traditions we associate with Christmas—trees, lights, even gifts. Christmas began as an opportunity to gather with your family and community and to take the best food you had and enjoy yourselves. In many communities, Christmas and the celebration of Jesus’ resurrection were days to take a break from the restricted diet they would have the rest of the year. In ancient times, Christmas might be the one opportunity for people to eat meat, as grains, dairy and vegetables were their staples for the rest of the year. It is as difficult to separate Christmas from a feast, as it is to separate Thanksgiving from the meal.

Was there a feast at the original Christmas?
However, the Christmas story has little to do with a feast. In fact, one might say, it had to do with people who were in such difficult circumstances that they were lucky to eat. The first Christmas is about a family with a pregnant woman forced by the government to make a two day walking journey for the sake of bureaucrats in the capital. And when that family reached their extended family, they were forced to sleep in the stable, which is where the baby was born. It has to do with a group of workers that had so little respect that they couldn’t be called blue collar, and their sighting of angels in the sky. It has to do with a group of scholars who traveled thousands of miles to do homage to a great king, just born, only to find that they were a part of a conspiracy to kill infants in a village. These were not people who were feasting. These were people in sad circumstances.

The Feast of All Feasts
And yet Christmas is about a happy time, not a time of sorrow, or danger. How is this?
It is because each of these people in unfortunate circumstances received news that they were in the first stages of getting out of their bad circumstances. Christmas is like celebrating the day you heard you would receive a huge inheritance from someone you didn’t know, even though the inheritance itself you wouldn’t see for months yet. These people had heard that it was time for them to receive a great promise.
• Joseph heard that he would adopt a son who would deliver the whole world from oppression.
• Mary heard that she would be the mother of the man who would bring the poor God’s blessings.
• The shepherds heard that God would soon be ruling on earth in the person of a baby in a manger.
• The wise men heard that a powerful king was born in Judea.


Christmas isn’t about the great time everyone had when Jesus was born. Rather, it is about the promise of God that was beginning to be fulfilled in Jesus.
 God promised to forgive sins—that was accomplished in Jesus.
 God promised to heal diseases—that was accomplished in Jesus.
 God promised to establish a new nation—that was accomplished in Jesus.
 God promised to wipe out oppression—that was started in Jesus.
 God promised to have a just, merciful ruler—Jesus is the one.
So Christmas isn’t about a bunch of people in sad circumstances—but rather it is about a celebration of the best news anyone can receive. The news was this: God, through this baby, will change the whole world so those in difficult circumstances will have a reason to party!

Can we have feasts in Jesus’ name?
Now there wasn’t much feasting at that first Christmas time. Times were too tough for the people involved. Yes, there was singing, and rejoicing. But not much opportunity for a feast. However, God has always enjoyed a good feast when it was time to celebrate. God had commanded his people, the Israelites, to take one tenth of their income for a whole year and have one big party with it every year—just to celebrate before God!

And Christmas is the celebration of the first stage of the biggest party ever—the kingdom of God. Jesus often referred to his kingdom as one big party in which all his people will be celebrating and having a good time! And Jesus himself set up and was the host of party after party when he was on earth, all to celebrate the coming of God’s kingdom. So what better time than Christmas to have a Jesus feast! It is an opportunity to celebrate the coming kingdom of God and to have a good time, just like we will in God’s kingdom.

Jesus’ way of Feasting
However, if we are going to celebrate and have a party in Jesus’ name, it can’t just be any kind of party. Jesus set up a few rules if we are going to party for Jesus. These aren’t the rules we normally think of—the no-drinking, no-dancing kind of rules. They are odd, rather:

1. Jesus said to invite the needy rather than family and friends
Jesus wanted parties to be an opportunity to be a part of the big Party that was to come. To gain greater benefits in God’s Kingdom, we need to give up what we have to those who need it most. Our family and friends—there’s always another day to invite them to celebrate. But a Jesus party is one in which the needy and hurting are invited. Perhaps it might make the party less fun for you. Perhaps it would cost you more. Perhaps it would be more difficult for you. But in the end you gain more in God’s kingdom for having a Jesus party only for the homeless, disabled and outcast. Because God will give you a bigger party in the end.

2. Jesus set up parties which were opportunities to repent from sin
As we mentioned, Jesus had many parties himself. But whenever he had a party, he gave an opportunity to have people get right with God and repent from their rebellion against God. It was kinda like having a church service in the midst of a party! But that’s the way Jesus did it. People would sometimes just speak out their repentance, or pray in the middle of the feast! Even so, a Jesus party celebrates God’s forgiveness by offering it to others.

3. Jesus established a feast to remember his death
Also, Jesus established a memorial feast that was supposed to remember his death. This seems kind of grim, having a wake all the time, but it’s really not. Jesus established this party, not to remember the terrible details of his murder at the hands of the state, but to remember that it is through his death that God’s kingdom got it’s start. That’s right! Jesus asked us to remember the birthday of God’s kingdom! Christmas is a good time to have this feast. Let’s have a good time and also, let’s focus on Jesus and what he did for us!

Have a Jesus party for Christmas
To Celebrate God’s Party to Come!